Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Semantics

There are things I instinctively try to stop my girls from doing before even realizing what I'm saying. I tell Summer to stop arguing when she clarifies that I gave her two braids, not two ponytails. Why shouldn't she correct me, annoying and unrelenting as it is? I tell Abby to stop dawdling already and come down for breakfast, without asking what she's doing. One way is faster than the other. I tell Hailey not to play with the pile of burrs she collected in the woods, but why not let her learn for herself and help her remove them after? When Robin starts in on the crying again after some perceived injustice from her sisters, why do I tell her to stop it? Stop feeling hurt? Or stop showing it?

Bike wash

As anyone engaged in any sort of relationship with me can attest, I believe word choices matter. I can argue semantics till the cows come home (and sometimes do, right Rich?). I hold myself and everyone around me to a high standard in choosing words that best reflect what they are trying to say. I don't like "always" or "never" statements unless those terms are accurate. When I am not distracted, busy or otherwise engaged, I do a pretty decent job of choosing words correctly when talking to my girls. I make sure to give them a wide variety of descriptors, hoping they will pick them up and add them to their own vocabulary arsenals.


New puppy! Not ours.

When I am flippantly dismissing a cry, or diffusing an argument, or bellowing up a stairwell to a daughter who appears to be ignoring me, I am not really thinking about my word choices or the message I am sending. Sometimes I am engaged with something I can't drop, and little girl feelings have to wait. C'est la vie. There may come a day, I am warned by the mamas who have come before me, that these girls may not be so forthcoming to me with their words. Without a doubt, there will be difficult situations in which they may not even know the words to express their troubling feelings. They will struggle with this and if I can help them, I will.

What I don't want is for a tape to play in their inner dialogue that sounds a lot like my flippant remarks, discounting what they think. If I could have used a more accurate word, let them call me on it. If the reason she didn't hear me call was because she was distracted with a book, let me find that by climbing the stairs and being before hollering out accusations. If I forbid Hailey from experiencing something for herself, how will she develop the confidence that comes with learning first-hand? If Robin is crying because she is tired of explaining her unwillingness to part with the princess crown, then leave it to me to articulate the patience she requires.

They may not always care what I have to say, but for now, they do. They crave my approval, guidance, adjudication and sympathy. They may not all grow up to be writers like me, but if I can install in them the benefits of an expansive vocabulary, carefully chosen words for each feeling and situation, then I am willing to overlook their teenage slammed doors.

Pantry staples in glass jars make me happy.

2 comments:

  1. Truly bringing up kids these day is a really difficult task what to tell them and what to not is really confusing. I always read your blog and always find them really helpful

    ReplyDelete
  2. such a beautiful post! This shows that not only are you a good writer, you are also a responsible mother. it can get pretty tricky managing both jobs.

    ReplyDelete

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