Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Trifecta

I've had a hard time coming up with something I felt was interesting to write in this space. Since about the beginning of October, I have returned to a more committed, steady writing practice, and paired it with daily meditation and yoga. I have, for the most part, stuck with this and kept it up each day. Taking snippets of time here and there to steal away and get to these things has been difficult some days, wedged sometimes between dressing in the morning and getting everyone out the door to walk Abby to school, or meditating quickly while dinner simmers on the stove.

My writing has been really loosely structured: sometimes a short essay, or a poem, a funny story or a character profile. This yoga-meditation-writing trifecta of making time for myself and settling into the business of being in the present (instead of preparing for what's next) has meant that I am pretty short on time to write here. And when I do, I feel empty of worthwhile content.


My efforts have been fruitful and have started getting some wheels in motion. I have noticed that I am a lot more positive and optimistic knowing that I am not under any deadlines, with no lofty goals ahead of me. I have nothing to do but be present, and this freedom has lightened my spirit. This makes it a lot easier to be present. Being present, for me, has manifested as a warmth that builds inside of me when I pause to notice something beautiful: the morning sun coming through an umbrella of fiery fall leaves in an oak tree, observing the joy in Summer's run as she chases Skylar, the comfort and joy of a kitchen warmed by dinner cooking in the oven. I am really pausing inside these moments and sitting as long as I can before moving on. 


I am listening better, looking people in the eye, measuring my responses (instead of feeling guilty for reactions) more often. I am feeling inspired to write a quick little ditty in my notebook when I notice something worth recording. I am feeling stronger, longer and more spacious in my body with daily yoga. 

I am practicing being here, and letting myself falter. I still yell more than I'd like, my back and/or neck are usually sore after a day with the girls, my writing is pretty aimless and unstructured, I have no freelancing projects on the go. I have a long list of ways to improve. But these days I am looking at that list and choosing to be a little more tender with myself, instead of feeling like I don't measure up to my own impossibly high standards. I am learning more about what it means to carpe diem in the smallest, most beautiful ways my days allow.


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