Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Three years of miracles

Being up in the Yukon last week stirred up a lot of feelings. Of course. So much happened while we lived there. The biggest thing that happened, in terms of what was most transformative, was the birth of Hailey and Robin.

It took 22 months, three failed pregnancies, and 35 weeks of waiting on tenterhooks to get us to that day. I've talked a bit on here about the struggles. It was a big part of our lives. It was really, really dark for me. I went through a time that tried me, exhausted me and put my beliefs through the ringer. It showed me what I was made of, who my friends were, and what it is to grieve. I questioned my faith. I wondered what purpose my suffering served. I opened myself up to the sadness and held onto a thread of hope that one day, I would understand.

It's true what the Barenaked Ladies sang: "Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight." Boy, did we fight. But, we won. The jackpot. 

Hailey and Robin were healthy twin girls born five weeks early, three and four pounds, and so strong and ready that they didn't need any time in a NICU.

I had dinner with our doula, the woman who coached me through my med-free labour and delivery, on my recent trip North. I realized, in talking to her, how that day, their birthday, transformed me. I told her I look at my life as "before them and after them." I looked down and saw their tiny, new faces looking up at me and I believed. I believed in love, in God, in holding onto threads of faith. I got out of my hospital bed a changed woman.

Hailey and Robin arrived and have shown me, ever since, what I am. I survived the wait. I met them and saw my truth. I became a better version of myself. More patient, more open, more giving. People were so kind and supportive to our family when we welcomed the girls, and I took that kindness in with a promise to pay it forward, every chance I had. 

They are miracles.

Watching them grow into themselves is spectacular. There are things about them I saw as small babies that were clues about who they would grow to become. Robin took in beauty, quietly observing and approving. Hailey is a spitfire, squirmy and ready to go places.

Today, we celebrate their third birthday. I will spend the day showering them with special treats and my love and we will gather to honour them. They are remarkable, and I want them to feel that. Then, privately, I will fall to my knees in gratitude and thank what I believe in for bringing me here. Thank God for them. 

Happy birthday, my miracle girls. And thank you. I will spend my life showing you how grateful I am. 

1 comment:

  1. That was beautiful! Happy Birthday to your Miracle Girls!


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