And ... deep breath, exhale. A collective sigh around here today. After lunch, Rich and I curled up to watch the regimental funeral of the three fallen Mounties, Cst. Dave Ross, Cst. Doug Larche and Cst. Fabrice Gevaudan. We've been to them before, for two fallen members that were also our friends. It isn't something we want to be well-versed in, police funerals. It's so hard to witness families go through such loss. I can't help but put myself in those wives' shoes. I have imagined who would give Rich's eulogy, who would carry his casket. It's awful, it's such a dark place to reside. So I cried, I let myself feel it all, I sent love and light out to those families who are beginning to learn their new realities and I am now feeling pretty heavy.
Some pretty good pick-me-up: Baby snuggles, feeding the ducks, baking muffins, reading in bed with Rich, swimming underwater, long runs, chai tea, and Abby's drawings of rainbows and butterflies. There is so much love right here inside these four walls, enough to carry us through days of fear, sadness, heartbreak.
Everyone has to find their own coping mechanisms. Mine these days involve being kind to myself, writing things out freestyle until they make sense to me, and offering kindness to strangers. I was touched by the number of people (neighbours, teachers, acquaintances), who offered condolences to Rich and I. I know this may seem strange, because we didn't lose any friends or family, but it speaks to what a community the RCMP is. We ride together.
OK, enough about the heavy stuff. I'm all feeling-ed out for tonight. Tomorrow is a new day, and I've got a little lady's school lunch to prepare.
And baby proof a few things: Summer is totally on the move. Check out her cute little hobble.