There's the first day of a new venture for which you've set a goal. You feel energized, alive with possibility, brimming with promise. You complete step 1, day 1 and feel on your way. This is it. you're doing it. You are going to be the best runner/writer/poet/gardener/plank doer this side of Toronto.
Then you get to where I find myself now, in the throes of doubting my commitment. I am being tested. That resolve I had a few weeks ago has been replaced by weary muscles, under eye circles, emotional highs and lows. I am not yet reaping the rewards of my hard work, but I am getting there. I feel it, that same feeling of "Something's coming" from the West Side Story song. I don't always want to keep going, and I entertain how much easier it would be to quit. Especially when I'm only accountable to myself, really. Extra especially when I'm running on a few hours broken sleep, Rich is working, and the kids are inexplicably hyper.
This is, as they say, what separates the men from the boys. Or, since yesterday was International Women's Day, the women from the wannabes. I will, because I can. It may not always be so. In other words, Carpe Diem baby.
I will keep writing, keep showing up to the page and battling it out, whether inspiration arrives to keep me company or not. I will keep running, knowing the shin splints will eventually go away. I will keep practicing being mindful and present, even as Hailey throws the 1347598th temper tantrum of the day. I will keep at it because that is the lesson I need to learn, and need my girls to see. Some of the things that make it all worth it come with the price tag of a monumental effort.
For an inspiring International Women's Day read and insight to what continues to plague Canada's working women today, check out my friend Alyssa's article from yesterday's Ottawa Citizen.