I have been catching myself trying to heed off messes, frustrations and general difficulty before they start. I don't blame me, but I am trying to step back. Great things happen in the messes, after frustration subsides, after difficulty. That's where discovery, learning and growth happen. Both for a 28-year-old mama and a two-year-old girl learning how to navigate her world. But, I am a control freak. I am comforted by things going smoothly. A little too comfortable, one might argue.
I am trying to hold myself back from giving Abby too many instructions when I set her up with supplies to make her Valentines for school, or her paints to colour in her paint book. I am letting Hailey lick the spoon and put it back in the bowl to stir the batter. It's just her family who'll be eating the end creation. I am waiting until the meal is done before wiping the sauce out of Robin's hair, because learning to use her utensils is tricky, and she wants to figure it out on her own. Summer wants to crawl, so badly, and letting her learn on her own while I watch from my perch is astounding.
And me? I am trying to get out of my own way. Stop with the excuses, stop letting my ego tell me what I can't or shouldn't attempt. I am doing what I know, what feels right. I am doing the yoga I need, not what I think I should do. I am letting my formal meditation practice slide a little, because I've found something that works just as well, if a little unconventionally. I am writing and making time for it, even if I should be using that time for house-y things. I am picking my battles and learning to let the small stuff go, because who wants to live with a know-it-all? Or a nag?
I am taking a page from the book of toddler and throwing caution to the wind as I rediscover my surroundings. On my own terms, giving myself permission. I am always learning, and trying to be kind to myself, as I am to Hailey and Robin, when I remember that learning involves a lot of mistakes and blunders.
Also, this cute picture of Summer in her Jolly Jumper, because she friggin loves that contraption and hops all over the place to her little heart's content, while wild sisters dance around her, squealing and giggling.