This week, I baked bread. Our family decorated the house for Christmas. I hung some of our paintings and pictures. I organized prints into photo albums. I enjoyed a basement date night with Rich. I can see now that I needed these things to be myself again. I'll admit, I didn't know I had lost myself. I was overwhelmed with the move, the fourth kid added into the family, and, well, a general feeling of unrest. I knew all of that, but I was still in flux. I feel home now. Amazing what a little structure and routine can do, even at 28.
I feel more honest. I am much more comfortable calling a spade a spade, facing things for what they really are. I am more confidant asking for help, knowing when it's needed. I am putting on my big girl shoes and stepping up to the plate, if I may mix metaphors.
I feel ready now. For what? I am not sure. For loving whole-heartedly, for facing a day with patience instead of a short fuse, for putting my ego aside and getting real with the people I love. I humble myself before them and admit I don't know everything. I don't have all the answers. I make mistakes and will work on facing up to them.
I am approaching the holiday season with the mantra that, "less is more," as we don't need a lot. Traditions cane be broken, new ones made, and I hope we reach December 25th feeling abundant, loved and well fed. I am planning to use our good fortune to help those with less, but I am no sure what is the best way for us to do this: A food hamper? Gifts for kids who have less than us? A cash donation to a charity that needs help? (Ideas welcome!)
I hope you are feeling good about the holidays, too. I am so glad I've found my footing, and so thankful I have these beautiful faces around me each day to remind me to slow down, get real, and show love.