These last few days, Summer has sought to remind me to slow down, remove my ego from the equation, and give in to the inevitable: sleep is not to be mine. And that's OK. I am tired, yes, but she needs my food, my cuddles and my focus. This is impermanent, I remind myself. It's OK to be mad at a newborn baby at 2:30 a.m. when she is full of milk but still awake and will only be quiet if I rock her just so for another half an hour before she'll agree to sleep. This too shall pass. The days (and nights) are long, but the years are short.
Happily, she is gaining weight well and keeping us all quite entertained with her funny faces.
I am devoted to getting Summer off to a good start, but that leaves me feeling insufficiently attentive to my older three girls. They feel it too. They whine more and throw themselves to the floor crying when I gently deny their requests for piggy back rides because I am nursing the baby. I am needed for extra snuggles, diaper changes, loading into and out of the minivan, doctor's appointments, reading stories and preparing meals just like I was before, but I am coming up short on the extra arms required for juggling four young kids these days.
I am happy to say that in feeling pulled in so many directions, I am having some success in staying calm, being peaceful, and keeping the mood light. It helps them and it helps me to remember that there are big worries and little worries, and to react accordingly. I am trying to say yes to more requests, and not an automatic "no" just because I am tired. We are saying yes to naked backyard swimming this week in the August heat.
I haven't come close to figuring this out or establishing routine, but we are getting there, one foot in front of the other. We are eating well, going outside, hugging lots, reading stories, and trying to say yes.