Thursday, July 11, 2013

Twin connection

Since before Hailey and Robin were born, Rich and I decided on a few things: we would not dress them alike, give them match-y names, refer to them in the singular (i.e. "the twins") or compare them out loud. I felt very adamant that I wanted to give them as much freedom as I could to develop into themselves without always having to measure against someone else. I know that, among siblings, there is always some level of comparison (both legitimate and perceived), but I wanted to make a conscious effort to let them be themselves.

This theory has room to grow, just like them. For now, I have learned not to start pigeon-holing either as "the shy one" or "the feisty one", because more often than not, they reverse these roles the next week anyway. I recognize it's hard for others not to give them labels, even this early, when they look so similar (identical, even). I've learned with Abby that what I say becomes a large part of the girls' inner monologue, and I do not want Hailey or Robin to grow thinking of themselves as "the smart one", because they are likely to both grow into clever little girls with different strengths. 

Hailey, 16 months

That has, so far, panned out well. What I didn't count on was how amazing it would be to witness and celebrate their twin bond. I have learned that their twin-ness is not something to gloss over or deny, but something inherently spectacular and ever-evolving. Hailey and Robin sleep in the same room, and begin each nap and nighttime giggling, throwing animals back and forth, and chattering in their shared twin language before gently falling asleep to the sound of each other's breathing. They are comforted into slumber by each other's presence, and have a hard time going to sleep alone. I find this so fascinating, as Abby has always required solitude to ever fall asleep. 

Robin, 16 months
Hailey and Robin have little games: peekaboo around wall corners, sticking their fingers at each other through the wicker backs of chairs, finding the other's sippy cup and delivering it to quiet her tears, chasing around the periphery of the house. It's different, I think, than just siblings close in age. They are best friends before most kids their age have learned to play with others (and not just beside them). They can read each other.  I am so excited to do what I can to forge this bond, while still giving them the space and permission to be themselves, whatever that comes to mean.

I was inspired to notice these things again and think about them by a couple of my fave twin mama bloggers: Check out Multiple Monstrosity and Girl's Gone Child.


  1. I'm biased, but still love this post. I'd forgotten about the hide, seek, peek around and giggle...that's one of my favourite parts of Molly & Jack playing...

  2. It must be comforting, reassuring and very nice to have a bestie right from your first breath in life. They are such cuties.


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