Sunday, July 14, 2013

Last Chapter

Today, I felt a big calm come over me. I'm ready, as ready as I can be. I have been almost dismissing baby thoughts the last week or so, willing the baby to stay inside, contained, while I dealt with other things. I felt bad wishing for this baby to stay away. Really bad. I let myself get overwhelmed and down and felt that throwing a newborn baby into the chaos I saw around me would be horrible. I didn't want to welcome a precious new life with those kind of thoughts and feeling preceding him or her.

But I've turned a corner and feel a bit more quiet now. Serene, waiting, wishing and wondering who this little person kicking my hip bone might be.

We still haven't sold our home in Whitehorse, so we don't have one here in Ottawa. Our belongings will arrive on a moving truck this week, and we will move them all into a storage locker, where we'll hopefully have easy access to the few things we need to get by. Rich has started his new position here and is really happy to see what lies in store for him. That makes me happy to see. It's a very family-friendly shift schedule he has, so he'll be a regular, present person in our kid's lives. We are all set up at my mom's house, complete with a pseudo-apartment and nursery in the basement, a room Abby has to herself and her books and toys, and another room the twins sleep in. That's pretty spacious, if you ask me. The fact that we have family sharing the space with us, and that they are willing and happy to help us out with the kids and new baby, is pretty incredible.

There isn't going to be a perfect time for this baby to arrive, like I was waiting for. Whenever he or she comes will be exactly when it is supposed to happen. Of course. I just needed to remind myself of that. 

On the one hand, I can hardly believe I have made it past 37 weeks. That's something I've never done before. I don't feel like labour is impending, either. No indication this show is starting today, tomorrow or the next day. It's very different, this time. Everything about it feels like uncharted territory for me. 

On the other hand, I can't believe I'm approaching the end. I'll be sad to close this chapter of my life, I really will. Maybe I'll create some kind of ceremony to mark the end of my baby-growing era. I am really enjoying these last moments of pregnancy. I may be slow to move, achy, cranky, incredibly hormonal and sensitive, but this is it. I have no idea what's on the other side. That's always a bit daunting, isn't it?

2 comments:

  1. Keep you chin up ... you have lots of friends in Ottawa ..new and old.. and we are here for you guys ... Laura and Diana

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  2. I can imagine the bittersweet moments that come at the end of your baby-making era. I wasn't exactly sure that we were done while I was "cooking my last one", but now that we're pretty sure that our family is complete, I do feel a teensy bit of sadness that I won't be pregnant again. There is something so exciting about pregnancy. It's magical. There's a little person waiting to become a part of your family; waiting to wriggle into your life.

    But now that they're older, I'm finding more moments where I savour my space. They're playing - away from me. I'm doing things - away from them. It's strange, but also awesome.

    I can't wait to read about your newest addition. Soon you'll be six!

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