Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Limbo

I'm not doing well.

It is easier for me to write that than to say it to anyone in person, because I see a sympathetic look in their eyes and want to brush off my struggles and talk about something else. I don't like to waste conversations complaining, because I've spent years trying to break that habit. There isn't anything anyone can really do to help change the situation, so I feel as though I am unfairly burdening anyone when I share my worries and fears. 

In short, our house sale in the Yukon fell through when the buyer had a change of heart that has caused us a lot of money and stress. We have to walk away from the home we have purchased here in Ottawa, because we can't pay for it AND our Whitehorse home. This makes me sad, because it is such a perfectly "us" house, but I know we can find another suitable home for us when the time comes. The problem is that home sales in Whitehorse have slowed right down and there just aren't people buying houses right now. We certainly can't make anyone buy it, or do anything to it to make it more appealing-- there just aren't buyers. So we are stuck in a homeless limbo-- our stuff is being packed up and moved this week, but no destination for it when it arrives in a few weeks. 

Saving graces: We are staying at my mom's, which has such a calm, welcoming vibe. My girls are comfortable and happy here. I have family support while Rich is away from us, good food to eat, and help with the girls sometimes. Rich's transfer is unaffected, so we are guaranteed to continue living in Ottawa, and our moving costs will be reimbursed, as long as we complete a home purchase here within two years. My baby is healthy and I have secured care for the remainder of this pregnancy.

Things are not so bad, this is just a blip for us. But, admittedly, I am very pregnant, on my own most days with three energetic girls, worried about how long it will now take our house to sell. I feel very unsettled that we have no home, but a baby coming. I feel anxious that when our home's contents arrive, we will have to put them in storage, and continue living out of suitcases. I feel the lack of control in the whole situation and it is sending me careening back and forth between worry and panic and being nomadic when I want to be settling down to welcome a new baby.

All it takes is one good day where we get a phone call saying someone has put a decent offer in on our house and we can move forward. It might happen tomorrow, it might happen in a couple of months. My worrying and fear might all be for nothing, and this could all work out fine with plenty of time to spare for baby to arrive. I confess though, this ordeal has left me feeling pessimistic and cautious of believing in too many positives, when they keep getting crushed. 

I have trouble admitting it, but I need help-- in the form of encouragement, hugs, a listening ear when I vent, silent prayers or if you were thinking of investing in a four-bedroom family home in Whitehorse...buy our house!

8 comments:

  1. Sarah - I didn't know that your blog is public! That, lady, is awesome! I'm looking forward to reading more about you guys!

    Of course, I'm saying this as a comment on this post, where it seems like things have gone a bit off the rails for you - it's doubly hard, I'm sure, because you want to nest, and don't have a nest to get ready.

    It's wonderful that you're at your mom's and have a supportive place to wait out this house sale gong-show. I'm not going to say "Things happen for a reason", because I'm sure you've heard that eleventeen times already. But I will say that you are a strong woman, and you will get through this. And it's okay to fall apart into a heap of tears - sometimes it gives us the clarity or renewed patience that we were lacking.

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  2. Thanks Tara. I hate being a "fall apart at the seams and cry" girl, but lately it is much more helpful to do that a day's end. :)

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  3. I was reading older posts on your blog this morning and when you first announced you were pregnant you wrote that you have love and boobs and that's all the baby really needs. And that's still true! I do understand, though, how tough and frustrating your current situation must be. It's definitely hard when you're in the moment and probably extra hard being near the end of a pregnancy, but you guys will get through it and all will be well on the other side. Sending good vibes your way!

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  4. You're right, and thanks for the reminder-- I needed that!

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  5. Oh man, that is SO tough. Being a control freak, I'd be flipping out already I'm sure. You're amazing for being as peaceful as you are, in my books. :) Take care of yourself... and my fingers are crossed tightly for a quick sale! :)

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  6. Sarah, you are not unfairly burdening anyone by sharing your feelings. You are completely justified to be worried, especially when things seemed to be worked out and then fell through. In my opinion that's worse for our peace-of-mind than if things never got settled in the first place. I hope that by writing it all out, and by reading the replies, it helps you feel better about the situation. I don't need to remind you of all the positives because you've already listed them all out! You know us "March Moms" will always be here to lend an ear and (sometimes unsolicited) advice! :)

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  7. Everything is so much harder at the end of a pregnancy. I know what it's like to have a house that isn't selling. We actually did carry two mortgages for a while (thank God one was tiny!) and it was super-stressful. (There just aren't many buyers in Fort Liard -- ever!) But we got through it. And you will too!!! Your girls are healthy, you're surrounded with love. It's okay to cry -- what better place to cry than at your mom's house, right? <3

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  8. Just a few words to say you are in my prayers every day. This baby will be coming into this world overwhelmed with love from everyone especially his/her wonderful mama who will have everything it needs to have an amazing start in life: love and milk!!! As to you, Dearest Sarah, you will have everything YOU need to make this journey one of the finest ever lived: love, support and an infant who will bring the best out of you. The house will sell, you will get an even better "us" house and things will be very fine. Life is good, Life knows what's best.

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