Saturday, July 14, 2012

Change of Plans

Writing what's true is always the challenge. Don't gloss over, don't sugar coat, don't write for an intended audience. That said, when times are tough I don't want this to be a place to harbour my most negative thoughts. I don't want to have a place where I focus on negative thoughts. There's a yin to every yan and right now I am feeling the yan to my vacation yin.
I loved every minute of our trip home and pretended it would never end until the final moment at security at YOW here I had to cross over into the no man's land of travel before touching down in Whitehorse, hours later. Now, I am here and it is kind of a buzz kill. My garden was overwrought by weeds, the temperature is a good 10 degrees cooler, I can't call up my sister to join us on a walk. There's no Glebe, no art museum, no lakes warm enough to jump in. I could go on listing the things Ottawa has that Whitehorse doesn't, but how negative would that be, right?
It all comes down to being homesick. Not yet, but I know it will creep in and replace this feeling of being unfairly transported back to a place 5,000 km away. This summer we were supposed to move, and be closer to family. Instead, we are still in the Yukon. And being here against our will isn't helping me reignite a love affair with the land of the midnight sun.
I am pretending winter will not come. I am hoping that another eight-month winter with plummeting temperatures, dry frost and cars that won't start is a potential outcome and not a sure bet. I thought last year was our final Yukon winter, so I made lemonade out of the dreary parts, coupled it with the promise of babies arriving at the end, and found it bearable. This winter adds insult to injury. Plainly stated, I don't really want to be here anymore. But I have to be.
There's a lesson to be learned here, and I will use this as a chance to rise to the occasion, make lemonade desperately, with more zeal than ever before. I will make this next year fun for my three girls, maybe even for myself in the meantime.
I went for a walk yesterday. Not deep into the woods, (because big yellow signs warned of bears frequenting the area), but I went in and out of the tree line enough to see the panorama of mountains around our neighbourhood's edge. I saw the lush, green canopy of grasses, flowers and trees in full bloom. I breathed in the cool, crisp mountain air. I was invited to see the awesome beauty of this place and I accepted the chance to love it again. I found my happy place and joyously celebrated the day.
This may not be the summer I asked for, but since when does the universe listen to my plans? I am ready to nestle into my Yukon home, my place, and make warm memories with friends and "Yukon family" for another year.

2 comments:

  1. I'm sorry that this is not what you guys wanted... you of all people deserve to move on to your next chosen place... but I have to say, I am so happy that you are here and I know we'll make the most of it.
    Honesty is good... tell it like it is...
    I'd love to walk and bitch and listen, any time you need it. xox

    ReplyDelete

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