Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Across the Universe

Every day, I try to put a little out there, especially when I'm asking for something to come to me. Being home with three-week-old twins and a three-year-old marks a phase in life where my balance tips more on the side of needing, than it does of giving. I can reconcile that, though I prefer to be on the giving end of the spectrum. Today, my call to the universe goes something like this:

God, universe, almighty being who oversees the business of life down here:
Please give me patience. Patience to be calm with Abby, who does not understand why her world has undergone a dramatic shift, only that it has and that it means less focus on her. Patience with myself, as I re-balance my days not with accomplishments and errands but with nourishing new life. Patience with Rich, who is just as tired as I am, but whom also needs love.
Please give me sleep. I know that's a concrete one, but every day I pray the gods of slumber will look kindly upon me and grant our household moments where everyone can be asleep at night for a good chunk of time.
Please give me perspective. It is easy to crumble and cry and be overwhelmed by the demands my new family puts upon me. But oh, there are so many who have it worse. And no one likes to be around a complainer.
Please give me pause. Pause to recognize the beauty and the happiness that is present in overwhelming quantities in my life, but that I sometimes need help to recognize among the trenches of exhaustion.

In asking for these things, in laying out this request, I formalize my goals and become more conscious of them throughout my day. I catch myself losing my patience, and recall it again. I stop myself from being short and re-phrase my words to be loving. Not all the time, of course, but I can feel forces beyond myself offering warm reminders throughout the day to be the person I'm trying to be.
I am letting go of my usual standards for house cleanliness, meal preparation, reasonably frequent communication with people outside my home and instead focusing on getting through the day proud of myself or at least pleased with my efforts at patience.
I send a little back to the universe too, a little quid pro quo of the soul. I offer thanks for:

Health: My health and the continued ability to care for my family without any major challenges. The health of my family, especially the two littlest ones who are working hard to grow and become people.
Rich: Being lonely is one of the worst afflictions I can imagine for myself, and so I am continually thankful to have a partner in celebrating the good times and working through the difficult. I find phenomenal comfort in knowing there is always someone with me.
My kids: I am raising the family I have always wanted and worked so hard for. This struggle and the resultant dividends are miracles, to me, and I never cease to be grateful for my daughters.
Our home: We spend almost all of our time here these days. Having a home at all, let alone one this warm, and in good working order, is a luxury in this economy and housing market.
Food: We are fortunate to have enough food to sustain us and to give us great enjoyment. Not everyone does. I am thankful for the knowledge of how to eat healthy and how best to fuel our family with the foods available to us.
Friends: We have friends that really lift us up when we need them and who share in life's great adventures with us. In this needing stage of life, our friends have really been there for us, shown up, and given to us without ever expecting anything in return. We are truly rich in this regard.
Family: From afar, we feel the loving cocoon they build for us and that helps us through the struggles.

Babies call me, so I'll wrap this up by offering great thanks, and asking the universe to keep smiling on us, and perhaps to lend us a hand when it sees we need one.

1 comment:

  1. I hope you guys have a great nights sleep! You are doing an amazing job, even when you start to feel overwhelmed!

    ReplyDelete

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