Monday, January 9, 2012

Calm before the storm

Round these parts, things here have kept relatively quiet. Abby can be heard singing cute made-up songs throughout the day, and we usually have the radio going, but it's relatively quiet. The quiet before the storm, I'm predicting!
I am feeling a major shift in pace. But a couple short weeks ago I could still keep up with life, but now I am definitely being called to slow down. A grocery store jaunt tires me out for the day. I take longer afternoon naps, (even if Abby does not! She adheres to quiet time in her room, thankfully!). I put my feet up as soon as she's asleep, and I can no longer bend forward for any reason. I need a rest after standing at the sink doing dishes, and I definitely need to break up dinner preparation into manageable time slots, because doing it all at once is becoming too demanding. I am a slow-moving freight liner these days, moving with no adherence to schedules.
I am a little discouraged by this, but only because it limits what I can do with Abby, to whom I am still forever devoted to being an involved mama. I know, though, that slowing down and resting more means I am doing my job mothering the two little beings inside, in the in-between souls caught between a world of concept, feeling and finally one day: people. I can feel them getting stronger and bigger every day, and that encourages me. A NICU nurse gave me some more encouragement, telling me that for every day I am able to keep them growing inside, I am keeping them out of the NICU somewhere Outside of the Yukon. That's a good reminder to rest up, eat more, and enjoy this peaceful quiet before our family has two babies in it! My main gsaol is to keep them in until they are strong enough to thrive on their own, without any medical interventions like respirators. I also want to stay in the Yukon, and not have to be flown out early. No, no, no!
I am definitely not ready yet. We have the baby stuff, true, but I am not ready to relinquish my threesome to a five-some. (Quintet, I suppose?) I am enjoying this ease of waking up rested, letting Abby engage in self-directed play scenes while I read or make food. We have a great routine, the weather's been mild enough to enjoy fresh air every day, and we have hit our stride finding peace and comfort in our days.
I can feel the change coming, and I am planting my feet down to ground them. I am preparing to weather the storm before it all calms down again and we find ourselves settling in the dust with a couple new faces in our midst.

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