Wednesday, November 16, 2011

The Weather Outside

The scene out my window for the last week, steady, has been busy and white: Continuous fluffy snowflakes falling, falling fast. We've seen about two feet of snow fall, giving Rich a reason to grumble about shoveling the driveway for the eighth day in a row, and having to put up Christmas lights while snow slides from the roof into is ever-freezing face. Abby couldn't be more delighted, and asks to go outside just so she can fall in the snow until her face is pink. I am quieted by it, restricted by immobility to either walks in the woods or sitting, watching Abby play. It makes me smile big to watch Abby's joy, or Skylar chase snowballs, or Rich throw Abby in a snowbank to cries of, "Weeee!" I feel like an observer, and sometimes that's a nice pause for reflection.
I've been going through a big pivot of perspective lately. Whereas once I thought my days at home with Abby (cooped inside by blizzards, no less) were busy, hectic and demanding, I now find pockets of quiet everywhere. I think about how easy it is, how independent Abby is becoming, and how quiet the house seems sometimes. I imagine the cries and giggles and shrieks that will fill it in the years to come, and know that a future version of me will think those days are busy, hectic and demanding.
I am pregnant with change, as every pregnant woman is. Only now that I have brought a baby into the world and watched her grow big and strong, I know how big those changes are. I am, to use the cliche, in the quiet before the storm, but a satisfying one.
The quiet is almost unsettling, because I know these are my mama years. The years spent amidst noise and clutter and things to do. I welcome the chaos that three daughters will surely bring. I look forward to it. I want holes in the walls from play that's got out of hand, and barbie shoes strewn throughout my adult belongings. I want ponytails and glitter glue and smashed bananas as a sign of continuous life and bustle in my house. I want that craziness before these girls grow and move, and my house will be quiet again. And I'll think back at how lucky I was to have had busy, hectic, demanding days with my daughters.
I am waiting out this blizzard with patience; it can stay as long as it wants, really. I have enough Ovaltine and marshmallows to last.

1 comment:

  1. perfect and lovely. I adore the pictures that go with this post. xox


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