Monday, May 2, 2011

Moment of Clarity

It's amazing how crystal clear things can become when simply and effectively put by someone else.
"This bread is delicious!" This is easy for me to accept, when someone else says it. Otherwise I wonder if it's too dense, under-baked, healthy enough. When someone tells me it's great, it just becomes great, end of story.
"Abby is such a polite little lady." Well, thank you. I often wonder if she's too bossy, not expressive enough, at a disadvantage for being an only child. But when someone tells me she's doing just fine, I believe it: My girl is growing up just fine.
"You are stressed." This one's a little harder to swallow. My life is not stressful: I don't work. I live a pretty routine life. I eat well. I smile and laugh every day. I walk and do yoga. I spend my days doing exactly what I would like.
A few minutes in the doctor's office and I'm crumpling.
"You are wound up, you're tense. You need to take a step back and relax."
He's right. I can't even talk about how frustrating all this waiting is without leaking from my eyes and tightening my shoulders.
Hearing that makes me pause.
Maybe this is all getting a little stressful: daily supplements, some multiple times, some at exact times. Eating enough warming food, getting my nuts and seeds and fats and vitamins in food form. Drinking enough water that I'm sufficiently hydrated, but not so much that I'm peeing every 20 minutes. Keeping on top of what day it is, what I'm "supposed" to do that day to optimize conception, keeping track of my temperature. And making sure to stay relaxed, lest this all get kerfuffled by too much stress up in my bid'ness.
We are on the eve of summer, when the living is supposed to be easy. We have no obligations, no major pressing responsibilities, enough food to keep us healthy, a way to pay the bills, and good friends to spice up the empty spaces in our calendar. I owe it to myself, Rich, Abby and my friends to take a step back and enjoy this, whole-heartedly (not half).
So it is with this new clarity, courtesy of a busy but helpful obstetrician-gynecologist, that I agree to take it down a notch. If not for the sake of my endorphins, then for the sake of my sanity.

1 comment:

  1. xox it sounds like you are really on your path to healing. Mind, body and soul. you are so strong Sarah. xox

    ReplyDelete

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