Thursday, January 20, 2011

Begin Again

Alright, so we had some setbacks in operation:heal. There was a terrible slew of scary symptoms, leading to a stay in the hospital, a quick surgery and now some meds to ensure I'll heal for realz. Phew, this feels like such a saga. I am comforted and pleased to feel more grounded on the road to recovery. I am taking very clear cues from my body on when to rest, how often to drink and rehydrate, when to crumple in a ball and cry for a moment, and when to start picking myself up.
I must say, for the record that is this blog, that I have been warmed and comforted by the care and concern of our friends. It is moving. I am reminded very clearly of who is there for us, who is invested in our happiness and well-being. These people are numerous and we are blessed.
It also must be said that wile this is a definite low point in the story of our marriage, I could not be more in love with my husband. He is grieving as am I, but he is quick to pull up his boots and put my care, health and safety before his own needs. When I was unable to care for Abby, he dropped everything to pick up the slack, comfort me, and keep things running smoothly around here. He even made homemade pizza! He reminded me constantly that he just wanted me to be well, Abby was fine, he was fine and that we'd get through this.
I took (and take) great strength from his confidence. Then, when the house is quiet and it's just us two, we can share our sadness and give voice to our disappointment. Not snap at each other in anger over what's unfair, not lash out at each other and the world for being robbed of a dream again. Just share our sadness, comfort each other and hold hands even tighter as we start to move forward.
It is an unlucky, unfair and unjust thing that has happened to us. But there is no one to blame, no merit in looking for answers. I am more comforted in these sad says by my faraway family, my friends who remind me daily that they walk beside me, and in my beautiful daughter who, it seems, has beaten the odds by being here. And my husband, who has shown me what it is to truly have a partner in life's ups and downs.
Now, I dedicate myself to a regimen of water, red meat, fruit and spinach smoothies, a few vitamins, giggle time on the floor with Abby, and quiet sighs lying alongside my partner.

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