Saturday, June 19, 2010

Different kinds of love

There is a usually a whole circus of thoughts bouncing around my head as I fall asleep: to-do lists, remembering birthdays, taking out food for dinner tomorrow, should I cut my hair...and on and on until my brain grows tired of its meandering and exhales asleep.
Last night, though, I was reflecting on how much fun I had with Abby swimming at the pool yesterday. I remarked upon how in love with her I was, how I enjoyed being just the two of us, being goofy and marveling at her as she discovered the aquatic world around her. I thought about how different that love is from falling in love. Rich was butterflies, over-analyzing my words and signals nervously before giving in and feeling safe. It was like pulling a nice, warm blanket around myself and snuggling in, accepting my warm, cuddly buddy, proud of how we made each other feel. It made me high, feeling like I could take on anything, like I wanted to run around with a magic bubble love wand, spreading my joy around for everyone to share.
Abby makes me feel a much more peaceful love. I don't want to say it brings me down, because that sounds depressing, but it calms me. It is like becoming enlightened: realizing the maternal love for Abby, recognizing it in parents everywhere, finding beauty in something someone else created because I too can say, "Ah, now THAT is a work of art." Abby is our work of art and she makes me feel like everything is right were it should be.
In true Libra fashion, I can now say I feel balanced in my life: I have been loved as a daughter, I have been taken as an equal partner in loving marriage and I have given life to a person who I love unconditionally, just as I was as a baby.
It excites me to think I have all this, and how much bigger these loves can grow with all the life I have left.

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