Monday, May 17, 2010

Attention whore

Most of the time, I just love being the center of attention. I am an oldest child who frequently staged one-woman plays in my living room growing up, and have always found it impossible to do vows of silence for more than an hour. That said, there are times when we all go through difficult times and journeys, and want to hide from the world.
I too shy from attention during the tough times, but end up holding tight to the love, support and kind words around me during moments when I can't get through it alone. And then I enjoy being surrounded with a support team, with love and those people who know just when to say something profoundly helpful and when to say nothing at all.
I just got back from a trip home where I got just the right balance of love, coddling, support and time to be alone when needed. I return a much more balanced lady, and I am certainly in a much stronger, happier place than when I left. I attribute that to the freedom to feel whatever I wanted, the hugs that transferred love and concern from one body to mine, and those moments of solitude where I had some honest conversations in my head about what I want, how I want to get there, and where to find the strength to do it.
Travel with toddler Abby was harrowing, and I certainly earned a new row of mom-stripes on my shoulder. Just when I returned from pouring all my energy into staying awake, and soothing an over-tired sick traveling Abby, I had some beautiful cards waiting for me at home.
They were written from people that I ordinarily am not super close with, but who recognized I needed a hug. And when they couldn't be there to give one in person, they took the time to write some sweet, comforting words and pen them inside beautiful cards that decorate my dining hutch now and make me smile.
Those cards make me feel so loved, and I have difficulty expressing how connected and comforted I feel. That kind of attention is not a stroke to my ego, but a pat on my heart, broken but healing.
Thank you to everyone who has helped our family through this tough time, whether that meant sending a card, kind words, hugs, visits or a knowing sigh. It makes me want to wake up and smile at everyone I see, hoping that it helps them through any difficulty in their days.

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