Thursday, April 22, 2010

Strings tied round my finger

Today I am reminded of...
- Friends and family: The ones that really mean their hugs, whether from near or afar. I am reminded of the meaning behind their words, "no matter what" and the sigh in their voice when I know my pain is their pain. I am reminded of the circles upon circles of people around me who are there, ready to help, support and love unconditionally.
- My strength: As I prepare once again to go through one of life's most difficult, treacherous moments, I am reminded of the strength inside me. Much has come from being Abby's mom, and knowing that my mama-fire and the need for me to be there for her could drive me through anything.
- How much I need Rich's hugs: I am a proud, independent-minded woman, but today I am reminded of how much I need Rich's hugs. Some days I think I would collapse in a heap of self-pity without them. Just knowing he's right there beside me, with hugs waiting anytime I need them, makes me feel so much more brave.
- Mystery: I'm not sure what to make of it or call it, but I am reminded that just when I think I'm the boss of me and my world, something comes in and reminds me that I am living a life ruled over by something greater, something else. A path ordained by a big mystery, and one that makes me angry and bitter sometimes, but this too reminds me that sometimes the only answer is, "it wasn't meant to be." However empty and unfulfilling that answer is, it's all I have to go by.

I don't know what's in store for me, but I have an inkling of what to expect. I expect it to be hard, difficult, and painful. But I also know it's possible to come out the other side stronger, with more love, and with a greater reliance on my family and friends to find reasons to smile on dark days.

1 comment:

  1. I have typed and deleted a bunch of times. And can't seem to find what I want to say, besides the obvious hugs, and I'm sorry. I'm stuck on your "answer - wasn't meant to be" such an unfair answer to the why's, but I suppose the only answer :( All our love and thoughts from down in Vancouver.


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