Wednesday, March 3, 2010

How thick should a curtain be, if one uses curtains at all?

I am caught in a dilemma.
On the one hand, I like being someone who is open and honest. I like wearing my heart on my sleeve. I like showing my true colours. I believe that if I am who I am, and don't hide or disguise anything, then the people who surround me must surely appreciate the real me. This approach has been helpful in weeding out unfit friends, and improving my life by showing my people who can connect with me deeply, honestly and mutually beneficially.
It as also made it hard for me to make friends sometimes, though. Especially when I live in geographic isolation. Maybe not everyone will be my best friend. I can't expect for everyone to take me as I am, appreciate it all, and forge a wonderful friendship. Nor can I expect that everyone else is putting themselves fully on display, just as I am. That has always been my choice, but I recognize it's an approach not tailored for everyone.
On the other hand, will I be denying myself truth by keeping my guard up? True, I may set myself up for hurt and betrayal by opening up the doors of my soul to my friends, but as in love, the risk is often outweighed by the benefit of friendship.
Perhaps, though, I don't need to be so forthcoming, so open.
When writing, my motto is to write what it most true to me. Tis I cannnot sacrifice or change, because it is an element of my soul so deeply ingrained, I can't fathom severing that part of me. But maybe when someone asks how my day is going, I can just reply, "Fine, thank you," and let that be all. Mystery, a sheer curtain to my life instead of an open window, may not be such a bad thing.

4 comments:

  1. I know exactly what you are talking about! I wear my heart on my sleeve and have finally come to accept that many people in my life need to move to the back of the bus to make room for those who like and accept me for who I am, not what they want me to be (or at least what I think they want me to be...).

    These mom's did a post about friends yesterday and I thought it was a good way to look at things http://www.babybunching.com/baby_bunching/2010/03/9-friends-every-baby-buncher-needs.html

    Friendships are so much more complicated when we grow up and even more so when you move away. As young girls, you look at each other, say "want to be my best friend?" and that's it, done deal.

    As adults, there are so many more factors to consider aside from having one thing in common.

    Good luck in whatever you decide to do :)

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  2. Thanks for the link! I'll be on the lookout for a good #4 too, and I definitely need a workout friend!

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  3. I use my curtains according to the conditions. If it's too sunny, I close them. If I want some privacy, I close them. If I want to bask in the sunlight, I open them. If I want to see what's going on in the world, I open them. That's the great thing about curtains; you get to decide how much you open them and when they're open.

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  4. Just be yourself. Your true friends will always find you and love you for who you are. :)

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